Gabi : Waiting for change
Practice has been hard. Everything hurts. Well not everything, but my knees hurt. When I first got here, I did as I usually do and tried to bind in ardha baddha padmottanasana and ardha baddha Padma paschimatanasana. I then ignore the forward bend and content myself with sitting and twisting, trying to get my other foot. Sharath said no. And when Sharath says no, you don’t argue. Instead he has gotten me to ignore the bind and focus on the bend. So my foot is in half lotus and Im reaching for either the floor or my other foot. For most people this is ok. And for me it was too. But after 4 weeks of practice its not so ok. I have to scoot my bound foot closer towards my other knee because the lotus knee is starting to hurt. This has never happened to me before. Ever. My knees have never been an issue. Physio’s have always asked whether they were, because I have had pain in my ankles and hips, but my knees have never hurt. But these postures are forcing my body into positions that it hasn’t been in for years. My knees have quite happily not rotated, or maybe they have happily over rotated. Whatever, they were happy in the opposite of lotus. Now I am waiting for the change in my body.
My mother always said patience was a virtue and that I was not an especially virtuous person. This is one of the reasons I need yoga. Santosha, or feeling contentment in where you are, is so hard for me. Recognizing that the pain in my knees will fade as my body changes is hard. So I sit, and wait, sometimes quietly, sometimes quietly raging.
And every now and then something happens to snap you out of your waiting. It may be as simple as being able to reach up in parivrtta parsvakonasana or it may be a white caterpillar. Yep. I geeked out before led practice on Friday because there was a white, fluffy caterpillar crawling around on a plant on the shala steps. So I took photos. And because I love sharing my geekiness, I told Biannka, and then Mel, and then Dani and then the people sitting near me, and then after class I dragged Sharath out to see it. Bless him, he looked at me like I was crazy, but I think he thought it was cool too. I looked today but the caterpillar had gone. So it is back to sitting and waiting and stretching and breathing and aiming for santosha.